Saturday, March 21, 2015

Saturday night

last night I had one of the worst dreams a person could have about me getting sexually molested by an older man who resembled my dad. while I thought these nightmares where over, they clearly aren't and I worry they will never go away.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

jerod

jerod is my biological father. I lived with him for the first 10 years of my life and only to find out that he was raping my little sister through all that time. recently he has been trying to contact me and it has been putting my self in so many bad positions. I can't sleep andwer the time when I do I dream about all the aweful things he did, and how he is doing them to me. sometimes it kills me a little inside because of all the pain and anguish caused by him. hopefully in the end I will be ok. but for now it's going to be a bumpy road

Monday, January 5, 2015

thoughts

we don't stop enough and think, we just do. we dont think about the consequences that this action might cost us or the feelings we might hurt, we just do. most the time I find myself just doing what ever I want in hopes that it benefits me, but really I should be thinking things out and trying to benefit others. we need to start thinking.. not for just ourselves but for others.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Life has its ups and downs. This is a down.

I'm going to start with the fact that there is a possibility that I might have to go back to live with my "father". It's a small possibility but it is one. It freaks me out, I feel like I live in constant fear of him. I wonder every day of my life if ill see him on the street an he will kidnap me and do what he did to my sister. Every time I think about what he did to her I want to cry. He is a monster loose on the street, he could be hurting the little boy next door. And I won't be able to help him because I didn't come right out and say that he was a monster. Because of the fact that I hesitated my little sister has to spend every Thursday talking to that man. And my little brother has to endure him, live with him, and be hurt by him. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault. I cause the pain that my family goes through.